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Have you figured out how to “Age Gracefully”?   Or maybe the more important question is – do you even want to? 

I was reading an article by a well-known relationship expert earlier this week.   In it, he writes about asking women of a particular age (over 50) if they wanted to age “Gracefully” or fight it tooth and nail all the way.  Naturally, being in this age group, I was curious to see what their answers were. 

But my next thought was this: why doesn’t anyone ask men the same question? When was the last time you heard a man being asked if he was “aging gracefully”? Men are simply allowed to age however they age — and it’s rarely a topic of discussion. Women, on the other hand, are categorized, labeled, and analyzed. I’m not throwing shade at you guys here — this is just my experience, and honestly, it reflects our culture’s obsession with youth.

When Over 50 Comes with Labels

It reminded me of an incident that happened to me a few years back.

I had an ex-boyfriend who was a lousy boyfriend, but a really good friend.  So, we stayed connected frequently and would go to movies, have dinner, etc. (strictly platonic).  He was quite intelligent and had a great sense of humor and always succeeded in making me laugh.  One day he called me and said he wanted to introduce me to one of his friends and would it be ok to go ahead and make the introductions.  I said sure, why not? 

In an ensuing phone conversation, a week or so later, my ex stated “Mr. X” was not interested in meeting me.  The conversation went something like this:

 ME: “so you thought it would be a good match, but now he is not interested?  Did he meet someone else?” 

MY EX: “No.”

 ME: “Then what happened?  That’s kind of strange….”   

 MY EX: “Well, um, uh, he doesn’t date women over 50.”

 ME: “How old is this guy?”  

MY EX: “He’s 62 or 63 I think”.

 ME: “I’m 61 – we’re a good match as far as age goes.  Why doesn’t he want to date anyone over 50?”

 MY EX: “well, he said women over 50 have lost their appeal.” 

ME: “Seriously?” 

MY EX:  “well, you know, sometimes that is true….” 

So.   After a string of expletives I hurled at my ex, he apologized profusely and said he totally misjudged this guy.  We ended up laughing about it and that was that.  I was so busy with work I remember thinking: “I probably dodged a bullet on this one.  Whatever” and went back to work.

A month or so later, (I just love Karma – she is always right on) I stopped into the local Starbucks for a latte on my way to work.  Yep, you guessed it – my ex was there with Mr. X (but I didn’t know who he was when I walked in).  I went up to my ex, and we exchanged pleasantries and then he introduced me to Mr. X. 

Well…. I never!!  This guy had such bad breath I thought my eyelashes were going to catch fire.  On top of that, he looked like a combination of an unmade bed and a bag of donuts.  I ordered my latte,  excused myself and headed to the restroom.  I remember thinking: “Oh My God!!!  THIS is Mr. X??  Talk about being over 50 and losing your appeal….”.  Anyhow, I gathered my composure and went back out to get my latte.  Mr. X had departed, and my ex was standing there all smiles.  I remember thinking “you shouldn’t be smiling…I’m about to hand your head back to you in a basket….”. 

My ex said Mr. X “really liked me” and could he give him my phone number?  I said I’d rather stick pins in my eyes than go anywhere with that cretin and how could you possibly think we were a match?  As you can imagine, I really lit into him and he got more than a little piece of my mind.  In the end, we worked it out and remained friends (Subconsciously – or not -I think he did this to get back at me for breaking up with him, but that’s a whole nother story).  But there it is, categorizing at its finest. 

It bothered me for two reasons: 

1) So much judgement is placed on women for looks.  Believe me, I have always taken excellent care of myself and my looks are important to me (I’m launching a new skincare line shortly – more about that down below)  but they are not the most important thing about me. 

2) After 50, our value only deepens. We’ve lived, learned, and experienced the world. We’ve discovered the depth of love in our hearts, endured loss, and come out of it stronger, wiser, and more compassionate. We’ve become fully formed individuals—interesting, resilient, and rich with perspective.

So why isn’t there more celebration of that? When I look at my girlfriends, I see women who are joyful, confident, intelligent, interesting and kind. They’ve become the best versions of themselves. Honestly, what could be better than that?

Anyhow, getting back to the article from the relationship expert.  The replies were split by about 50/50.  Some women wanted to age “Gracefully”, and others were going to fight it as long as they could.

For me, I’m not quite sure where I land.  Why do I even have to choose between “Aging Gracefully” and “Fighting it Tooth and Nail”?  Why do I have to be in a category at all?  I feel I’m a combination of both …and that balance ebbs and flows—it’s just part of being human.  I choose my battles much more carefully now.  Some things I just let go-it’s not worth my energy.  Other times, I am very adamant about how I feel and will take anyone to the mat on it.  One thing is for certain – my health and wellbeing come first now.  Exercising is a priority now, not something I have to jam into my schedule.  Healthy eating and drinking lots of water are tantamount.  I have become more spiritual and as a result, feel more peaceful.  And last, but not least, my skincare, makeup, haircare, and body care will always remain a priority.  It’s not about vanity for me anymore, it’s about care. It’s about caring for and cherishing the person I’ve become.  After all, if I don’t do it, who will?

That philosophy inspired my upcoming clean-beauty skincare and makeup line, Luxury Beautiful — products designed for women and men who believe self-care isn’t vanity, it’s vitality. Because looking good is just another way of feeling good!  I will be launching soon and will keep you posted when more details are available!!

My dad always used to say, “Getting older isn’t for sissies”.   He was right.  Getting older takes heart, strength, humor and the willingness to step back sometimes and let someone else do the heavy lifting.  I feel fortunate to know so many women (and men) over 50 who have heart, strength, energy and a sense of humor.  And, if you asked me how they are “aging”, I’d say “Beautifully.”

What are your experiences with getting older?  I’d love to hear from you.  You can reach me at peggy@luxurybeautiful.com

Coming soon……….